Safe in the Chapel by Malgrin

It's the only retreat... my only retreat...ultimately... when the world has turned sideways and spun wild. If nothing makes sense any longer then give up on sense. Might as well live in the madhouse where you won't expect anything different. Rules need not apply.

If you can't trust your perceptions... if the things that you thought were real were no more solid than a breath... then why believe anything at all? Why trust anything at all? Why not disbelieve everything ~ lie back in the ether and flip the bird in Her general direction?

I wonder what She wants with me anyway. I guess I'll be finding out. She's led me here...

She's informed me in no uncertain terms that I had it all wrong...

It's odd... how fragile it all is... how dreams and music can evaporate in a moment... in a string of moments... were they connected? Were we really connected?

I thought we were.

I thought there were these actions and words... and feelings... and intentions... and every single one of them said "I love you." But, I must have been wrong...

My hovercraft... is full... of eels.

What an illusion.

I thought I'd learned to express things... but I didn't. What I did was learn to release everyone from the responsibility of the things I never shared.

It turns out... it's not enough.

It was never their responsibility anyway... and sharing is a gift.

You just can't tuck bits of yourself away and think that no one will notice. Of course they'll notice... you become so diminished that they look around and wonder where you've gone.

Withholding.

I've lost so much.

And yet... at the same time... I don't trust anything... not a single perception or concept... what did I lose? Was it ever mine? Am I even here? Or anywhere?

The only sane choice is madness. 

Photo by danielle suzanne