And the beat goes on...

I started this blog to face my shadow, to bring her into the light and to clean out all the cobwebs in my existence.  I'd like to say it worked, and that is why I stopped posting.  But the truth is, the more I dug, the more sand filled the hole.  I am lost, a little lost soul.  They say the older you get the less you know.  I couldn't agree with that more.  I used to be able to pretend to be happy.  I was in less control back then and any light moment could bring a smile to my face and nobody really knew about the demons that haunted me at night.  As I have aged, the demons no longer restrict themselves to bedtime, they creep and crawl over my body and inside my mind day in and day out.  Sometimes I look back over my life, all the long days doing useless things and I can't believe I am still here, doing this same old shit, feeling low, lost and sad.  Most everyone in my life is losing faith in me I think.  They all seem to find meaning in the little things and that seems to get them through the day.  I have lost all meaning, all belief, all hope that there is any good reason to occupy this space.

This blog is a cry for help, a signpost, a white flag.  I don't think anyone reads it though.

photo by RenaiShashin