I've been "born again" at least 6 times in my life. I used to wonder if there was a cap on something like that, I mean how many times can you rededicate yourself to Jesus without him saying "yea, don't bother, you are a lost cause." I had plenty of opportunities though, so I assumed Jesus was a very patient guy. Every Sunday at church the paster would give that last 5 minute appeal to the congregation, inviting anyone who was feeling lost to come on down and be born again. It was my least favorite part of church because I felt so bad for him when nobody got up. He would plead and plead and the seconds would tick by and my stomach would start to hurt because nobody got up. I had to fight the urge to be born again every Sunday just to make him feel good. We always sang the same song too, "I Come". I believe that song will always give me a Pavlovian reaction to get out of my seat and start crying.Every summer we went to Christian camp up in the mountains. Each night after the days activities we would have to listen to a sermon in the amphitheater. True to form, the youth paster would give that last 5 minute appeal. However, unlike regular church, the kids got up and walked down to him in droves. I guess we had a lot more to feel guilty about. This was our chance to start over and live a clean life from that day forward. No more making out, no more beer, no more cigarettes, no more skipping class or lying or cheating. It was nice to count on camp to wipe the slate clean with Jesus before a new school year started. I did it every summer, each time being sure that I could keep my promises to God until the next summer and for once be able to stay in my seat. I never did make it a whole year.
4 comments:
When we were sitting in the cafe, my hands kept twitching because I wanted to take a picture of you. Your eyes matched your shawl, matched the flowers at our table, matched this picture.
I think we are being reborn all the time.
Maybe I'm indignant...
But, I like the way I was born the first time... Pre-maturely and very inconveniently. How telling!
I'm reading "Ask the Dust" right now and one line that I read last night which stuck out to me was Arturo (the main character) going to Church to ask God to make him a successful writer. He says to god (paraphrase), "Forgive me God for being an atheist. But have you read Nietzche? Ah, what a book!" He also calls church goers the "booboisie" (teehee, I love made up words!).
In my personal philosophy. I've learned that it's not important for Jesus to forgive me. It's important that I forgive myself, daily... shit, sometimes minutely.
I love your compassionate heart. You give so much. I celebrate you every time you're reborn. That's why they call me, "The Birthday Girl".
LOVE.
HF I love you to pieces, I want to be you when i grow up...or when I ~don't~ grown up :)
I like the way you were born too! Why mess with perfection?
HAHA I love that quote, I like to think God WOULD like Nietzche!
LOVE
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