I always know when I'm about to do it. It is sort of like feeding an addiction. I feel guilty. I cannot help myself. It will haunt me for days, disturb my sleep, make my stomach hurt and occasionally cause a full-body flush. I know all this and I do it anyway.
I pick me instead of you. I pick what I want despite the consequences. I decide in that moment that getting what I want is more important than making you happy.
A purely selfish moment.
Just to set your mind at ease, I do it with everyone I love, my kids, my guy, my sister, my friends and my dad.
My dad.
Why is it so much worse with you? Even as I write, my fingers start to sweat, freeze up, overcome by waves of guilt.
When it was you who left us.
When it is you who has so many reasons why not.
Why do I want cry every time you drive away?
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